Valentine's Day

The original martyrdom of fifth century Rome has developed into today’s commercial boom with pale modern ideas of romance.

Maybe a famous British war poem could be altered slightly?
Their’s not to reason why, their’s just to go and buy.
Apologies to Tennyson (Charge of the Light Brigade at Balaclava)

First a Virus Warning
The day itself has become a victim complete with its own technology.
A modern disease originates from those people we regard as pond life, meaning ‘lowest of the low.’ They seize an opportunity to trap the gullible into downloading sly malicious emails. Their only purpose is to infest your computer with their virus.

Love, money and lust are favourite weapons, many derived from the dorf malware also called storm or W32/Dorf-AW.

Study the names they use to entice you into opening their emails.
‘I like you’ ‘Powerful Love’ ‘Tower of Love’ ‘You stay in my Heart’ ‘Just You’ ‘You are my Valentine’ ‘Valentine Friend’ ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’.

If you are silly enough to download from such unfamiliar senders, you are inviting trouble. You will have just that.
And you thought you had a secret admirer in the office?

Have you forgotten the infamous ‘Love Bug’?
In May 2000 this virus, posing as a romantic link, hit millions of computers all over the world. Using the words ‘I Love You’ in the subject line, it claimed to be a love letter ‘especially for you.’

At the time of writing, a ‘sleeper’ worm named ‘conficker’ is sitting in computers waiting to be activated by the pond life who installed it. Let’s hope they haven’t included you.

Your protection is that these tricks only work if you link to their website by downloading.
If you do not download, they cannot harm you.
As soon as you activate your download command, this makes the link.
Their programme will infect and control your computer from then on.
Denial of Service or objectionable spam sent in your name, or the very serious Identity theft will soon follow.

Now you are a martyr, an unpleasant experience.
These pond lifers ruin many happy days of promising romance, replacing them with many days of misery.

Original Valentine Message
Spiteful events seem to have arrived with the Roman Empire.

The Roman Empire was not yet fully converted from paganism to Christianity.
In the third century, the gruesome and pagan Emperor Claudius II, had problems recruiting for his army. He insisted on recruiting bachelors. There were not enough.

Young men preferred marrying and enjoying home comforts to enduring Army life.
He would not accept that their reluctance to join the Army was nothing to do with Army terms of service, or unpleasant lifestyle, or low pay, or low public esteem.

His simple mind thought otherwise. His solution? He banned marriage.

Valentine, a practising active Christian priest, disagreed and openly opposed him, verbally and personally.
Valentine’s practical reaction was defiance, by continuing to perform legal marriage ceremonies, and preaching Christianity while promoting conversions.

When challenged by Claudius, he refused to give up his religion or stop his marriage ceremonies.
He was condemned to death and thrown into prison for his efforts. Public opinion seems to have been incensed. Strangers and other visitors threw flowers and food into his prison cell. The prison warder tried to help. He allowed his blind daughter to fraternise with Valentine. They became very close friends.

Eventually the day of execution arrived. Valentine left a note in his cell addressed to the daughter and signed with the immortal words ‘from your Valentine.’

Valentine was actually martyred for ‘refusing to renounce his religion.’
But the message ‘love conquers all’ has survived.

Lupercalia came first
Ancients had a high old time enjoying one of their regular fertility festivals, generally by copying Nature. In particular they copied the birds. 14th February was when birds chose their mating partners and settled down to problems of raising a family.

Pagan Romans enjoyed this Lupercalia holiday devoted to Juno the Queen of the Gods.
Hopeful young girls put their names into a pot or vase for a lottery of choice.
Whoever picked out a girl’s name could enjoy her favours for the year (and she his).

After slaughtering a goat and a dog, young men would run through the streets whipping women with the goat hide. The excuse was ‘it provokes fertility’.

These happy habits continued until the fifth century.
Pope Galesius decided to modernise his church.

He re-dedicated the date of 14 February to the martyred priest St Valentine.
He banned the ‘name lottery’ system and put much effort into persuading his flock to forget about fertility.

Other Famous Valentine Days
An early believer in the romantic power of Valentine poems was Charles, Duke of Orleans.
Captured at the battle of Agincourt, 1415, he was imprisoned in the Tower of London.
He wrote the oldest known Valentine’s Day love poem to his wife.

Henry V, the English King who captured him, noted how successful this writing of poems had been. He decided to try it for himself. He hired the poet John Lydgate to compose a special Valentine to attract his target, Catherine of Valois.

Later generations of English royals had their moments.
Henry Stewart, or Lord Darnley as he became, lusted after his cousin, Mary Queen of Scots.
He had a miniature portrait of himself delivered to her, hoping to arouse her desires.
But it was another year and a half before he could meet her for the first time on 14 February 1565 St Valentine’s Day.

Something worked. They married five months later on 29 July 1565.
Their only child became King James the Sixth of Scotland and King of England in1603, after Queen Elizabeth the First had died.

Mary kept the miniature until she was executed by Queen Elizabeth on 8 February 1587 almost 22 years after that original Valentine’s Day meeting.

Chaucer may have been the first to connect love, romance, mating and birds.
In 1381 he was commissioned to write a poem celebrating the engagement of King Richard of England with Anne of Bohemia.
‘The Parliament of Fowls’ links the engagement, St Valentine’s Day and the mating season of birds.

Other Valentine Days
Another famous Day of Misery became known as ‘The St Valentine Day’ massacre.

In 1929, with prohibition in force, two rivals competed for overall gangland power in Chicago, based on the profitable bootlegging trade at that time.
The Italian boss Al Capone controlled the South side and the Polish boss Bugs Moran the North.

Capone decided to eliminate his rival. He went on holiday to Florida.
But first he had organised a meeting with Moran in a wholesale warehouse.
The alleged enticement for Moran to attend was to discuss how the two gangs should share a whiskey consignment arriving from Detroit.
Since Moran’s gang were dressed in their best suits, this seems unlikely.
Is this the usual way to dress for unloading casks of whiskey?

At the appointed time, 10.30 am, two Police cars arrived at the warehouse.
Two men in police uniform carrying shotguns, emerged and entered the warehouse, followed by two others in normal civilian clothes.

Moran’s seven men were lined up against a wall. They cooperated, apparently believing these were genuine police on an arranged publicity scene for the local press.
But the two gunmen fired 70 bullets and two shotgun blasts, killing all gang members.

Moran was not there. He had either taken alarm as he approached the meet or was just late arriving.

One subtle twist was how the fake policemen emerged pointing their guns at the other two, as if arresting them.
They all got into the fake police cars and drove off.

Neighbours and other spectators accepted the intended message.
The Chicago police had caught some villains.
Definitely a Special Day in Chicago.

Special Day
This day has become especially dedicated to lovers and would-be lovers.
This is the moment to declare your love interest, however timid you are, and however far away you are.
Now is the time to send tokens, poems or simple letters to someone who interests you.

Some other peculiar activities may assist your search for a mate.
How about running round the local church twelve times starting at midnight on Valentine’s Day eve?
This is claimed to be one way of seeing (an apparition of) your future loved one.

These days you might attract the attention of someone wearing a police uniform.
Have your story ready.

Other British Peculiars.
A village called Lover is in Wiltshire.
It is complete with its own Post Office with its own stamp for franking the outgoing post.

One way of going that extra mile to impress your intended would be to post your card from there?
Just an idea…….

Say it with Flowers (For Men Only)
(But be careful.)

Did you know flowers have a language?
Those of us with Y chromosomes should be aware of so many things, apart from avoiding those flowers smelling of petrol.
Look at these;

Red Rose    I have a passionate strong love
Red Carnation     my heart is aching just for you
Red Tulip      you are my perfect lover

Camellia     you are perfect for me in all ways possible
Daffodils    I can only be yours, nobody else will do for me

Blue Hyacinths     our love will never waver
Sunflower     Do you realise how I adore you?


Yellow Carnations     I am so disappointed by you

Romantic Martyr
For men there is good news and bad news.
Good news?
There isn’t any.
It is the same routine as last year; cards flowers chocolates. Nothing useful.

The card -could be handwritten, depending how many you are sending. The pen is mightier than the keyboard. Remember your identity must be concealed.

Flowers -must not come from a petrol station, and don’t think she won’t know. For choice of flowers, read the above again.

Chocolates -choices have expanded considerably recently. This gives plenty of scope for originality. Use them to your advantage.

A cloud in your sky could be the threat of retaliation, or recrimination for the reluctant by the loved.

What’s The Alternative?
Did Pope Gelasius do us a favour in banning those happy pagan habits?
Just imagine.
Today we could be sacrificing goats, running around shopping malls, slapping people with blood- covered strips of goat hide…..

DOUG R. (England)

Recent articles of Doug R.:

• ~Your Free NHS

• ~Why Look East?

• ~Why we are like this?

• ~Cross Border Families

• ~Still Skint?

Published in Woman's Magazine Russian Woman Journal  www.russianwomanjournal.com - 12 February 2009