Monday 9 June 2008

DOUG R. (England)

Does Private Education Pay?

Part One. What are the benefits?

Are you thinking of educating your child privately in the UK?
Do you wonder why and how so many others do?
Are you horrified by the costs and other aspects?
Do you doubt whether it is worth the effort?
Maybe you would be interested in my experience?

I went to boarding school at the age of 8 years. This one fact may horrify you enough to put you off the idea,  especially if you are a mother. I will be always be grateful.

The British System.
It is separated into the two stages of before and after puberty at 13 years old. The initial stage school is called ‘preparatory’ because it prepares boys for their entry to a public school at around puberty. The system was started about 500 years ago. It has proved itself, evolved and been copied in many countries.
In prep schools small boys are trained in the basics of looking after themselves. They must think for themselves, and not expect others do so for them. There is no mummy to turn to. If their shoes are not clean, they will be punished.
I can still remember the horror of being expected to wash behind my ears every day!. This is a good age to absorb such knowledge.

Class-room lessons.
Most private schools have a pupil/teacher ratio of just under 10/1. Does this help their formal education? What do you think?

Human Relationships.
There is much more to education than classroom lessons. This is the time and place to learn about other people and yourself. Such knowledge will support you all your life.
Those around may not be on your side, as your family members have been.
You learn not to trust, but to make your own assessment.
You learn self-protection, physical and mental, how and when to make a stand.
You learn when discretion is the better part of valour.
You learn to make your own decisions and not rely on others.
You learn to stand on your own two feet.

Sociability.
You also learn some simple rules about living together as a member of a group.
Do not steal. Do not lie. There are other social rules.
Why keep to these rules?
Because you will be found out? That is some people’s reason.
More importantly you betray your group, destroying their trust in you.

A good lesson to learn. Some never do so.
Your group has ways of identifying, publicising and removing transgressors.
You may not find this out until you are an adult. That will probably be too late.

Emotions.
I heard someone complain the system requires such strong self-control it destroys or hardens natural emotions and sensitivity, at such a tender age.
It was claimed to make normal relationships difficult, or impossible.

This nonsense was spoken by a woman with no experience of the system or of being a man. How can anyone take such criticism seriously?

If you cannot control yourself how can you expect to control others?
You and your schoolmates are being prepared for future executive positions.

Others will be relying on you to make decisions, sometimes quickly and sometimes under stress.
Such decisions must not be based on emotions.
They may affect others’ lives. They must be correct.
Your decision making process must be the best and, importantly, not affected by stress from external factors.

You are being trained to be a man.

If this worries you as a parent please look at Part Two on ‘choice of school’.

Bullying.
Before you ask, and I am sure it is uppermost in your thoughts,
There is so much literature on this subject, mainly fiction I note.
I did not once experience any bullying.

Nor do I remember anyone I know being bullied.
It just did not happen. I am certain we would have acted collectively to prevent it.
We had learnt how to be together and to look after each other.

Keep them Busy.
Life is so full there is no surplus energy or time to get into serious trouble.
Boys have chances to sample many activities of interest to small boys.
But there is always someone around to ask, talk to or share time with.
It’s called companionship. You will learn how valuable that is.

Trial and error.
We enjoyed activities such as riding ponies, fishing in the river, swimming.
We played all the usual team games of cricket, football, and others such as tennis, croquet.
If we showed promise we were encouraged to develop expertise and offered coaching.
If we were hopeless then that was acceptable too. There was sure to be something we were good at, so keep looking.

We learnt indoor social games such as card games, chess, draughts, and darts.
We were taught the rudiments of photography, painting, drawing, even writing.
We were encouraged to take part in one or more activities outside the classroom. We joined in. That’s how we learned.
If we made a mistake there was no serious harm done. Help was near from experienced people. They prevented serious damage and helped you recover.

Made a mistake? Will you try again? How else will you learn?
After falling over you learn to get up and try again.
Is that a good lesson for life?

So we learnt self confidence, not from talking but from doing.
How valuable is that?

One of my prep-school friends became a serious cartoonist.
Others became journalists and writers.
They nearly all became achievers in their own right.

This is the age to explore both yourself and where you are in the world.
The child is the father of the man.

Stress.
We learnt about stress and how to recognise and cope with it.
We learnt to draw from inner strengths and not rely on external props.
Take away an injured man’s crutches. What happens? He falls over.

This valuable lesson I remembered in later life. I watched many intelligent educated men fall apart when stressed beyond their personal capacity.

Self Reliance Benefits.
For me this self reliance surfaced at University.
Some fellow students could not motivate themselves into serious studying.
They had worked hard to pass entrance exams.
Left to themselves they began to fail. They couldn’t self motivate to study.

They had been living at home. Parents ensured they studied hard and blocked external distractions. Without this prop from parents they began to falter.
They lacked an inner strength and could not cope with independence.

‘Don’t dance with chimney sweeps.’
Social life pointers or valuable things you learn.
Consider who you socialise with. You will be judged by your friends.
If you mix with bad company, their influence or social standing will rub off on you.

PLU.
This stands for People Like Us.
You may be admitted but that doesn’t mean you belong.
Entering any new society can be a nervous worrying moment.
A private education will equip you for entering any of them.
Letters after your name will not.
You have learned about duty, responsibility, teamwork and making your own contribution to whatever society you have joined.
What is a fair price? Or how do you value this?
Even if you don’t others will.
In part 2
I consider finance aspects and offer tips for choosing a suitable school.

To be continued...

DOUG R. (England)

Published in Woman's Magazine Russian Woman Journal  www.russianwomanjournal.com -  9 June  2008

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